The whole issue of extramarital affairs is most often addressed only at the point of crisis, after an affair has taken place. But the factors that contribute to affairs begin much earlier and involve everyone in some way. So I want to raise awareness of the fact that the issue of extramarital affairs is 'everybody's business.'

Here's why it's everybody's business:

The most immediate reason is because no one is immune from having affairs disrupt their lives or the lives of those they care about. They happen to all kinds of people, in all walks of life. Traditionally our attitude has been that unless it touches us personally, we deal with it by ignoring it, denying it, or condemning it. Unfortunately, this does nothing either to help deter affairs or to deal with their consequences.

Here are some ways we can all participate in addressing this issue:

Parents need to raise children to be able to talk about sexual issues, thereby avoiding establishing a framework for life-long deception about sex. Otherwise, kids will continue to learn that 'sex and secrecy' go hand in hand.

Dating and engaged couples need to talk openly and honestly about how to deal with normal attractions, thereby avoiding creating a climate of secrecy and deception.

Married couples need to resist assuming the marriage vows will 'protect' them from needing to think/talk about this issue, recognizing that no one is immune, despite their love or intentions.

Couples dealing with affairs need to break the code of secrecy that makes it more difficult to get help and to recover. (If it feels "too awful to talk about" it's likely to feel "too awful to get over.")

Marriage educators and therapists/counselors need to focus specifically on this issue in order to help couples avoid affairs and support couples fully talking through the situation if it happens.

Society as a whole needs to focus less on the titillating and fascinating aspects (that actually support affairs) and more on honestly discussing the role they play in inadvertently perpetuating affairs.